Avengers Academy: Arcade – Death Game


By Paul Tobin, Terry Kavanagh, Chris Claremont, David Baldeon, Chris Marrinan, Michael Nasser, Rich Buckler & various (Marvel)
ISBN: 978-0-7851-5630-7

Whilst acting as America’s Chief of Metahuman Affairs Norman Osborn grotesquely abused his position. One of his various nefarious projects was locating and conditioning young ultra-empowered individuals with the intention of creating an army of lethal freaks utterly subservient to his will.

When the former Green Goblin was finally brought to book this most secret initiative was exposed and the kidnapped, psychologically warped, technologically abused kids were taken into safekeeping by The Avengers.

The traumatised and potentially lethal teens became their responsibility and the weary warriors decided to teach the surviving lab rats how to be heroes before they could fall into being monsters and villains…

Arcade, on the other hand, was a spoiled trust-fund brat who discovered a talent for invention and a psychotic passion for flamboyant assassination when his unfortunate father cut him off. The malignant patricide then turned his new hobby into an obsessive life-long game of death for profit…

Arcade – Death Game collects the story from Avengers Academy King Size #1 and also offers two earlier appearances of the mirthful Master of Mechanistic Mayhem from Spider-Man #25 and Marvel Team-Up volume 1 #89.

When Avengers-in-training Humberto Lopez AKA Reptil, Madeline “Veil” Berry, Jeanne Foucault, the polymath phenomenon dubbed Finesse, and human dynamo Striker – who much prefers his stage name and persona to being ordinary Brandon Sharpe – were given a rare day off. Temporarily freed from crushing classes, the kids are let loose in New York City but are quickly targeted by the baroque bad guy, desperate to reclaim his formerly fearsome reputation by killing a few superheroes. Always ambitious,Arcade has simultaneously set up to assassinate not only the proto-Avengers but also another squad of kid crusaders…

The Young Allies are Spider-Girl (Latina Anya Sofia Corazon, formerly arachnoid avenger Araña), super-strong Toro AKA bovine metamorph Benito Serrano and relative child-hero veteran Firestar.  This trio of unsupervised titanic teens also fall into Arcade’s Machiavellian clutches when the maniac unleashes a deceptively devilish division of robot duplicates to deliver the meta kids to his latest deadly theme-park of terror…

Happily the crazed contract killer had completely underestimated the intelligence of Reptil and sheer bloody determination of Spider-Girl, so it wasn’t long before all the junior heroes were loose and really, really peeved…

This fun and furious frolic from Paul Tobin, David Baldeon & Jordi Tarragona is then followed by ‘Why Me?’ (Spider-Man #25, August 1992) by Terry Kavanagh, Chris Marrinan & Chris Stegbauer: a rather slight interlude in which the Wondrous Wall-crawler scurries over to England to meet with old pal Captain Britain and gets suckered into a virtual reality war against mutant superteam Excalibur – all courtesy of the malevolently manipulative Arcade – who had once again bitten off far more than he could chew…

‘Shootout over Centre Ring’ by Chris Claremont, Michael Nasser, Rich Buckler & Josef Rubinstein is a far better tale, first seen in Marvel Team-Up #89 (January 1980) and revealing how the web-spinner and X-Man Nightcrawler were propelled into an acrobatic alliance after an unscrupulous Texan millionaire showman from the mutant’s circus past resurfaces with a plan to assassinate Spider-Man as a publicity stunt.

Amos Jardine had originally hired Arcade but later went with a lower bid from hitman Cutthroat, consequently discovering that the only thing the Grinning Gamesman hated more than costumed crusaders was a welcher…

Classic Fights ‘n’ Tights action and lots of bizarre laughs distinguish this engaging piece of all-action eye-candy, and this collection also includes a cover gallery by Ed McGuinness, Chris Samnee, Matthew Wilson, Mark Bagley, Al Milgrom, Buckler & Rubinstein, plus pencils, layouts and sketches by McGuinness, Samnee and Baldeon and a handy prose profile of the eponymous assassin himself…
© 1980, 1992, 2011 Marvel Characters, Inc. All rights reserved.

Fantastic Annuals 1968, 1969, 1970


By various (Odhams)
No ISBNs

Fantastic was the flagship of the “Power Comics” sub-brand used by Odhams to differentiate those periodicals which contained reprinted American superhero material from the company’s regular blend of sports, war, western and adventure comics. During the mid-1960s these captivating ubiquitous British weeklies did much to popularise the budding Marvel characters and universe in this country. With its sister paper Terrific the comic was notable for not reformatting or resizing the original artwork. In Wham!, Pow! and Smash! an entire 24 page adventure could be squeezed into 10 or 11 pages over two weeks…

However, although the all-action comic featured Thor, Iron Man and the X-Men in chronological tales (with a few gags and a UK generated adventure feature), the annuals were a far more exotic and intriguing mixed bag…

The 1968 book – released in December 1967 – opens with the full-colour Thor thriller ‘When Magneto Strikes!’ (by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby & Chic Stone from Journey into Mystery #109, October 1964) recounting a blistering battle beneath the sea between the Thunder God and mutant master of Magnetism before plunging on after with the home-produced fantasy adventure ‘The Temple of Zentaca’ wherein a two explorer pals, their dog and a handy super-rifle foil a plot by a manic mad scientist in a cunning, anonymous yarn probably illustrated by the great Luis Bermejo Rojo.

After a rather bland and uncredited science fiction prose vignette ‘The Fugitives’ the Annual lapses into traditional two tone mode (red and black) and offers a Marvel monster yarn ‘The Man Who Hated Monstro!’ (from Journey into Mystery #92, May 1963 by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber & Paul Reinman) before launching into the bombastic ‘Beware of the Blob!’ (X-Men #3 1963, Lee, Kirby & Reinman) wherein the mutant teens tackle an immovable human mountain and his evil carnival, followed by a magical Stan Lee/Steve Ditko sci fi yarn ‘I Used to be… Human!’ …also taken from JiM #92.

‘Colossus!’ is another British weird mystery saga illustrated by European master José Ortiz Moya, with a young man obtaining ultimate vengeance for the murder of his father by animating a giant stone statue…

Full colour is restored for the prose short ‘The Invaders’ and the book closes with the captivating Lee/Robert Bernstein/Kirby classic ‘Iron Man vs Doctor Strange!’ (or ‘The Stronghold of Doctor Strange!’ as it originally was: a mad scientist who paved the way for the later Master of the Mystic Arts and whose one-and-only appearance was in Tales of Suspense #41, May 1963).

This fabulous collection blew me away Christmas morning and still makes my weary pulse race today…

© 1967 Odhams Books Limited. Selected material © Marvel Comics Group (1963) 1967.

One year later the magic resumed with Fantastic Annual 1969, which began with a beautiful double-page painted frontispiece featuring the entire heroic pantheon contained therein before the X-Men battled artificially enhanced giant insects in ‘The Plague of the Locust!’ (from X-Men #24, September 1966, by Roy Thomas, Werner Roth & Dick Ayers) after which ‘Miniman the Incredible Crusader’ debuted in a spectacular clash with insane roboticist Dr. Tome; another uncredited fantasy thriller illustrated by a tantalisingly familiar artist tragically unknown to me…

With talk of moonshots in the air the ‘Conquest of Space’ was an inevitable but endearing text feature, followed by the red and black section which kicked off with folksy fantasy masterpiece ‘Humans Keep Out!’ (Journey into Mystery #86, November 1962) by Stan Lee and the marvellous Don Heck, who also illustrated the untitled Iron Man thriller which followed, pitting the Armoured Avenger against the wicked Count Nefaria and invaders from the Moon.

(For your peace of mind the story was originally entitled ‘If a Man be Mad!’, scripted by Al Hartley and inked by Mike Esposito from Tales of Suspense #68, August 1965).

After another ‘Conquest of Space’ page ‘All About Iron Man’ reprinted a selection of fact pages and pin-ups disclosing the technical secrets of old Shellhead, whilst ‘The Mighty Thor Battles the Incredible Hulk!’ (Lee, Kirby & Chic Stone from Journey into Mystery #112, January 1965) gave us one of the very best frantic fight-fests in Marvel’s entire history before Lee & Ditko leavened the mood with a classy time travel thriller ‘Prophet of Doom!’ (from Tales of Suspense #40, April 1963) whilst Lee & Sol Brodsky shone light on the incredible unknown with ‘Mr. Flubb’s Torch’ (originally the more euphonius “Flashlight” in the October 1963 ToS #46)…

After one final ‘Conquest of Space’ full colour was restablished and this year’s model concluded with a magnificent adventure of home-grown superman Johnny Future who travelled to the end of the universe to defeat the invincible Disastro in a stunning tale probably scripted by Alf Wallace and illustrated by the inimitable Luis Bermejo.

© 1968 Odhams Books Limited. Selected material © Marvel Comics Group (1963) 1968.

 

Fantastic Annual 1970 saw the end of the era. Interest in superheroes and fantasy in general were on the wane and British weeklies were gradually switching back to war and sports stories. This was one of the last Odhams Christmas compendiums to feature imported Marvel material: from then on the Americans would handle their own Seasonal books rather than franchise out their classics to mingle with the Empire’s motley, anarchic rabble.

The frantic fun started in full colour with the contents of X-Men #40, January 1968, by Roy Thomas, Don Heck & Dick Ayers, wherein the merry mutants tracked down an alien robot Frankenstein in ‘The Mark of the Monster!’ after which the switch to red and black synchronised with ‘The Fantastic Origin of Doctor Doom!’ – a genuine Marvel Masterwork by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby & Chic Stone from Fantastic Four Annual #2, September 1964, which revealed the pride and folly which shaped one of the greatest villains in comics.

‘The Haunted House!’ (or ‘I Speak of the Haunted House’ from Tales of Suspense #42, June 1963) is a splendid example of Lee and Ditko at their light-hearted best, whilst Thor displayed his warrior acumen battling ‘The Evil of Loki!’ in a severely edited, almost truncated reprint of ‘The Day Loki Stole Thor’s Magic Hammer!’ (Lee, Robert Bernstein & Joe Sinnott from Journey into Mystery #92, May 1963). At least it was in full colour, as was the group pin-up page featuring the Thunder God, the X-Men and Iron Man traced off by a Power Comics art junior – possible Steve Parkhouse or Barry (Windsor) Smith – after which the two colour printing returns as the Armoured Avenger is ‘Suspected of Murder!’

The supposed victim was, of course, his own alter-ego Tony Stark in this tense, guest-star studded yarn by Lee, Heck & Dick Ayers (from Tales of Suspense #60, December 1964) after which ‘The March of the Steelmen’ offered another excellent but uncredited science fiction thriller, pitting a brace of upstanding British researchers against an uncanny invasion of unstoppable metallic warriors from a sub-atomic world…

The final tale, in full colour, introduces another indomitable domestic hero as ‘Matt Marvel – Lawman of the Future’ pitted all his incredible resources against maddest of scientists Doctor Merlin in a mind-boggling battle of wits and wiles with the world at stake…

These stunningly more-ish collections are mostly tasty treats for we backward-looking baby-boomers, but even though the Marvel material has been reprinted ad infinitum, there’s still a wealth of excellent and intriguing home-made heroic action going begging here, and it’s long past due for some enterprising publisher to gather all that quirky British invention into a modern compendium of weird warriors and wonders.

Anybody here tempted by a new/old UK Action Force…?
© 1969 Hamlyn Publishing Group Limited. Selected material © Marvel Comics Group (1963, 1964) 1969.

Merry Christmas, Boys and Girls

Since the Mayans miscalculated and we’re all (most?) still here, I’ve gotten all extra-nostalgic and doubled my pleasure by indulging in not just one but two days of British Annual excellence…

Today’s Cool Yule Drool comprises a trio of my most often enjoyed festive frolics and tomorrow we’re doing it again with even more passion but just a little less imaginatively.

Have a Very Merry Day and always keep reading new things…

Robin Annual Number 1

By various, edited by Marcus Morris (Hulton Press)
No ISBN:

There’s not a lot around these days in our field which both caters specifically for little kids and simultaneously introduces them to the ineluctably tactile wonders and sensorium of a high quality comics anthology experience, but once upon a time there was a whole subdivision of the business dedicated to enthralling and enchanting our youngest and, hopefully, brightest…

Robin was created in the hugely successful wake of Marcus Morris and Frank Hampson’s iconic Eagle, catering to the pre-school market the way Swift targeted 6-10 year olds and Girl concentrated on potential young ladies (that looks far creepier in print than I’d intended…). The periodical ran from March 28th 1953 to 25th January 1969, a startling 836 joy-stuffed issues.

Offering a range of beautiful genteel, diffidently Christiano-centric stories, strips and puzzles for parents to read with and to their toddlers, Robin sported the same supremely high production values as all the Hulton Press titles. It was edited by Morris until 1962 when Clifford Makins took over, shepherding the title until its absorption into Odhams/Fleetway comic Playhour, just as the collapse of theUK comics industry was beginning…

There were at least nine Christmas Annuals – such as this first one from 1953 – which combined stunning, lavishly illustrated colour strips and features with solid, memorably stylish and glossy monochrome pages for an 80 page compendium of enticing wonderment between sturdily thick and reassuring red cardboard covers.

Again like its older brothers and sister, Robin included a selection of licensed characters well known to the new but ever-growing television audience…

This particular British Festive icon opens with double-page front and end-pieces by Reg Forster, depicting railway station scenes to colour in and a beautiful painted dedication to the young Princess Anne and Prince Charles, after which the prose tale of ‘Johnny and Mr Spink’ related the tale of a boy given a pony for his birthday.

The first comic strip is in colour. ‘The Amazing Adventure of Percy and the Cricket Ball’ featured anthropomorphic animals and a young man who turned sporting disaster to his advantage, followed by an illustrated poem ‘Things to Do’ and ‘The Story of Woppit’, a monochrome strip featuring an infamous teddy-bear in the snow with bunnies.

More shrew than bear, Mr. Woppit was merchandised as a toy and one was adopted as a lucky mascot by notoriously superstitious sportsman and speed enthusiast Donald Campbell. It was with him when Campbell died piloting the hydroplane Bluebird K7 on Coniston Water in 1967, and found amidst the floating wreckage.Campbell’s remains weren’t recovered until 2001.

A Play Page of puzzles is followed by the first TV star as ‘Andy Pandy’ played garden pranks on Teddy after which ‘The Old Woman and the Mouse’ offered a delightfully salutary prose fable illustrated by the incredibly talented David Walsh and then ‘The Twins Simon and Sally’ got into a mess feeding the chickens in their first strip saga.

‘Princess Tai-Lu’ was a magical Siamese cat and in her initial strip here celebrates Christmas with a few furry feline friends in her own unique manner, whilst the illustrated poem ‘Little Grey Stone’ by Margaret Milnes is a visual feast of tone-&-wash mastery and colour comic ‘Tom the Tractor’ related the heroic rescue of a climbing lamb and piglet by a handy animated farm vehicle,

‘Scruffy the Scarecrow’ was almost junked by the farmer until some friendly Magpies saved his job in a rather moving text tale, but ‘The Proud Mouse’ was the architect of her own downfall in a delightfully executed strip by an uncredited hand.

‘Richard Lion’ (and his animal chums Henry the kangaroo, Pug the bulldog, Peggy the black panther, Nemo the jester and others) seems like a rather excellent knock-off of Bestall’s Rupert Bear by the brilliant Maria Jocz, but it still offers wonder and joy aplenty in a two-chapter, vividly coloured strip which finds the cubs being harassed by and then saving some irascible Snow Gnomes. Next comes the second of the BBC’s Watch With Mother properties as Bill and Ben ‘The Flower-Pot Men’ saved a tortoise from his own exuberant folly in a captivating black and white strip.

A black Scottie dog narrates ‘The Sad Story of McTavish’ (by Norman Satchell) whilst ‘Charlie and the Cake’ takes only three panels to explain the folly of stealing confectionery from the larder…

The snow-bound adventures of Rufus, Rodney Rita and little brother “Fums” resulted in a new family pet thanks to the intervention of ‘The Magic Wellingtons’ in a beguiling colour strip, whilst, following a Bo Peep maze-page, ‘The Twins Simon and Sally’ return no wiser than before as their attempts to bath both a dog and cat at the same time goes spectacularly awry…

‘Midge the Motor Car’ was a living autonomous little auto and his trip to the local Fair resulted in initially chaos but eventually a dramatic and heroic rescue in a lovely monochrome strip from Catherine Hammond and an uncredited scripter, after which ‘The Shepherd Boy’ retold the story of David and Goliath in a stylish full colour comics version, and short story ‘The Runaway Bus’ – illustrated by Forster – detailed how a London Passenger Service Vehicle took itself off to the seaside for the day…

The poem ‘Eider Downy House’ (Gay Wood) is followed by the sublime black and white nature strip ‘The Dormouse at Christmas’ and a full colour rebus double spread of the alphabet before the prose tale of ‘Ku Mu and the Crocodile’ (written and illustrated by Dorothy Craigie) told a gentle tale of West Africa and the strip ‘Bingo, Bango and Bongo’ by Jenetta Vise demonstrated to three monkeys that performing in a circus was far more fun than merely spectating…

A ‘Mrs Bunny Maze Puzzle’ precedes the all-colour adventures of talking calf ‘Johnny Bull’ on land, sea and in the air, after which the superbly limned prose story ‘The Excited Red Balloon’ shows the sheer class of illustrator Eileen Bradpiece, before Technicolor tiny titan ‘Andy Pandy’ performed a prankish encore at a tea-party for Teddy and ‘Tina, Tim and the Magic Helicopter’ undertook an astounding prose voyage to the Wild West…

Patricia Hubbard drew an amazing strip adventure of the dolls in ‘Toyville’ and, following the conclusion of Richard Lion‘s excursion to the cave of the Snow Gnomes and another rebus page entitled ‘Can You Read this Letter?’, ‘The Flower-Pot Men’ accidentally built themselves a splendid flying sailboat.

The rather trenchant warnings in the tale of ‘Canty Kitten’ are balanced by a practical feature on ‘How to Draw a Toy Engine’, after which David Walsh displays his dexterity with both monochrome and full colour scenes for the ode to ‘Skating on a Pond’ and the enigmatic Kearon (perhaps Robot Archie artist Ted Kearon?) exhibits great virtuosity in relating the strip saga of ‘Philip’s Circus’…

The indefatigable Walsh then lent his deft pen and brush to the alarmist but happily ended text tale of ‘The Squirrel Who Forgot’ and sublime ‘Princess Tai-Lu’ returned to save her human companion’s hat in another lovely monochrome strip.

‘Billyphant’s Birthday’ provided a menagerie of pets for the lonely little pachyderm and that motivated Motor Car returned in ‘Midge at the Zoo’, handling runaway rhinos and adoring peacocks alike, before another Play Page segued into a black and white bible strip detailing what happened when ‘Jesus gets lost’ and all the seasonal magic ended with the prose saga of runaway pigs ‘Quibble and Quarrel’.

Unlike most periodicals of the time, this annual actually lists all the creative contributors involved – although not which pieces they worked on – so those I’ve been unable to identify I’ve name-checked here: writers Leila Berg, Maria Bird, John Byrne, Nancy Catford, Dennis Duckworth, Jessica Dunning, Rosemary Garland, James Hemming, Maureen Hillyer, Winifred Holmes, Ursula John, Rosemary Sisson, John Taylor, Billy Thatcher, & Shelagh Fraser whilst artists unattributed include Anthony Beaurepaire, Nancy Catford, Harry Hants, Irene Hawkins, Elizabeth Hobson, Stewart Irwin, Faith Jacques, Janet & Anne Graham Johnstone, Mary McGowan, Constance Marshall, Michael K. Noble, Walter Pannett, Prudence Seward, A.E. Speer, Astrid Walford & Andrew Wilson.

Relatively cheap and still quite available, books like this were and should remain an integral part of our communal history, always astoundingly high in quality and absolutely absorbing. Whimsical, comforting and supremely entertaining, this is a package with a host of child-friendly tales that have tragically missed becoming nursery classics simply because they appeared in a disposable comic rather than permanent kid’s novel, and it’s long past time publishers re-examined this wealth of forgotten material with a view to creating new masterpieces for library shelves and wholesome all-ages TV animation projects…

No copyright notice so I’m guessing most of the originally created intellectually properties material now resides as part of IPC or Egmont. If you know better I’ll be happy to have this entry amended.

Superadventure Annual 1967

By various (Atlas Publishing & Distribution)
No ISBN

Whereas the 1962 edition – the first Christmas Annual I can remember getting – was a stunning shock to my British-born, Polish/German reared, pre-school senses, by the advent of the 1967 Superadventure Annual (December 25th 1966 at about 11 minutes past 4 in the morning), I was a far more sophisticated but no less excitable consumer.

I had since learned in those short intervening years quite a bit about Superman, Jimmy Olsen, Aquaman, Green Arrow, Flash, Tommy Tomorrow and all the rest through the sleek American import comics that my Dad faithfully brought home every Friday after work, teaching me – and himself – English (admittedly American-seasoned) by poring through them together over weekends filled with sugary snacks and in-between huge, rustic, home-grown and Mum-cooked meals.

That early indoctrination and fascination remains strong – for the comics at least. I’m far too old and debilitated for sugar, starch, caffeine and artificial additives now…

This was one of the last licensed UK DC collections before the Batman TV show turned the entire planet Camp-Crazed and Batmanic, and therefore offered a delightfully eclectic mix of material far more in keeping with traditionally perceived British boy’s interests than the masked suited and booted madness that was soon to follow in the Caped Crusader’s scalloped wake. Of course this collection was still produced in the cheap and quirky mix of black and white, dual-hued and full colour pages which made those Christmas books such a bizarrely beloved treat.

The action opens with a classically lovely yarn starring the Fastest Man Alive, printed in black and red.

The first story is reprinted from The Flash #119 (March 1961), crafted by John Broome, Carmine Infantino & Murphy Anderson, and related how the lethal Looking Glass Bandit used his incredible technology to turn our hero into a living genie before attempting to murder him with ‘The Mirror Master’s Magic Bullet’ after which space cop Tommy Tomorrow tackled – in plain old monochrome – ‘The Planeteer’s Alien Allies’.

The strip was a hugely long-running back-up strip which moved from Real Fact Comics, to Action Comics and Worlds Finest Comics before fading from sight and memory. This particular tale of sneaky conniving ETs only pretending to be Earth’s friends comes from WF #122, December 1961, courtesy of scripter Jack Miller and versatile illustrator Murphy Anderson. Ubiquitous gag cartoonist Henry Boltinoff produced hundreds of funny pages and characters over the years, and a great selection are sprinkled through this book, beginning with a crafty ‘Casey the Cop’ howler…

World’s Finest Comics #125 from May 1962 provided the Green Arrow thriller ‘The Man Who Defied Death’ (by Ed “France” Herron and Lee Elias); a bold and grittily terse mini-epic and taut human drama about a desperate daredevil willing to do absolutely anything to earn the cash for his son’s medical bills, followed by a Boltinoff ‘Moolah the Mystic’ rib-tickler and the start of the full (but exceedingly odd) colour section.

Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #60 (April 1962) provided the astonishing story of ‘Super-Mite’ as author Leo Dorfman & artist Al Plastino had the exuberant cub reporter explore the mystery of a little action figure given by the Man of Steel to an ailing boy which inexplicably became as smart and powerful as any full-sized Kryptonian! This is followed by a Boltinoff gag starring ‘Peter Puptent, Explorer’ and a chiller featuring Aquaman and Aqualad battling ‘The Curse of the Sea Hermit’.

First seen in Detective Comics #295, September 1961 by George Kashdan & Nick Cardy, this spooky sea tale seemingly pitted the heroes against ancient evil but there was ultra-modern piratical plundering behind this scheme…

Back in black and white, ‘The Trickster Strikes Back’ (Flash #121, June 1961) saw the rapacious return of an air-walking bandit with murderous intent, outmanoeuvred by the Vizier of Velocity in a stunning yarn from Broome, Infantino and Joe Giella whilst, after another Peter Puptent page, Tommy Tomorrow undertook a desperate ‘Journey to 1966’ (originally entitled ‘Journey to 1960’, by Miller & Jim Mooney, when it first appeared in WF #113, November 1960) to capture a would-be world-conqueror with the inadvertent aid of the Planeteer’s own grandfather, after which the grand Costumed Dramas end in fine style with ‘The League of Fantastic Supermen’ (by Jerry Siegel, Curt Swan & George Klein from Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #63, September 1962) in which a quartet of Kryptonian outlaws and the double-dealing Legion of Super-Villains are all outwitted by the plucky junior journalist.

Maybe I’m blinded by nostalgia-coloured goggles, but it seems admirably astounding to me that the all-ages stories featured here are so perfectly constructed that whether an innocent(ish) tubby toddler or the sullen, embittered old coot I became, these tales continue to beguile, bemuse and satisfy in a way that no food, drink or drug could. This is another book that will always say “Merry Christmas” to me.

…And hopefully to you, too…

© 1966 National Periodical Publications, Inc.,New York. Published and distributed jointly by Atlas Publishing and Thorpe & Porter, Ltd., by arrangement with The K.G. Murray Publishing Company Pty. Ltd., Sydney.

Beano Book 1972

By various (DC Thomson & Co., Ltd.)
Retroactively awarded ISBN: 978-0-85116-038-2

For many British – and indeed Commonwealth – fans, Christmas can only mean The Beano Book (although Scots worldwide and of every nationality have a pretty fair claim that the season belongs exclusively to them via the traditional, annually-alternating collections of The Broons and Oor Wullie which make every December 25th mirthfully magical), so I’ve yet again highlighted another of the venerable and beloved tomes as particularly representative of the Season of Joy.

In those days these annuals were produced in the wonderful “half-colour” British publishers used to keep costs down. This was done by printing sections or “Signatures” of the books with only two plates, such as Cyan (Blue) and Magenta (Red): The sheer versatility and colour range this provided was astounding. Even now this technique inescapably screams “Holidayextras” for me and my contemporaries.

As is always the tragic case, my knowledge of the creators involved is criminally sub-par but I’ll hazard the usual wild guesses in the hope that someone with better knowledge will correct me when I err and embarrassingly get it wrong again…

This boisterously compelling chronicle opens with a double-page splash of The Bash Street Kids (by David Sutherland) breaking the fourth wall and playing mischievous hob with the book’s two-colour formatting, after which The Three Bears by Bob McGrath and the exceedingly domestic Biffo the Bear (Sutherland again) officially welcome us to the festivities.

Leading off this year’s anarchic antics is a splendid school Panto skit starring Minnie the Minx courtesy of Jim Petrie, after which the iconoclastic Dennis the Menace and Gnasher make their first appearance adding their own unique tinge of terror to a school play thanks to prolific diversity of style chameleon David Sutherland.

“Fastest boy on Earth” Billy Whizz (by Malcolm Judge) then experiences painful feedback from a rashly hurled boomerang and his Antipodean counterpart, before the re-assembled Bash Street Kids helpfully assist Teacher get over his over-sleeping problem with the expected catastrophic results in a dedicated and extended niche chapter interwoven with the eccentric and imaginative ‘Bash Street Motor Cartie Show’.

Biffo and human pal Buster go shopping for new furniture next – in an eye-popping blue and yellow segment – after which Roger the Dodger is again outwitted by his dad and Lord Snooty learns the error of his selfish, posh-boy ways in a brace of gloriously funny strips from Robert Nixon, whilst Ronald Spencer’s painfully un-PC but exceedingly hilarious Little Plum follows with the rambunctious redskin falling foul of a bolshie buffalo before Billy Whizz rockets back with a tricky ‘Whizz Quiz’ to test our wits and reactions.

In a previous annual the Bash Street Kids found themselves the reluctant owners of an accident-prone elephant, and she riotously returns here in an extended episode of Pups Parade starring the Bash Street Dogs (and Ethel Hump) by the marvellous Gordon Bell. Stuck with the excitable, ponderous pachyderm by the awesome and omnipotent Beano Editor, the mangy mutts soon handed her off to their arch-foes The Bash Street Cats but it took the canny connivings of ‘The Nibblers’ (drawn by either John Sherwood or Ron Spencer?) to finally quell Ethel’s destructively effusive spirits…

At this time The Beano still had the odd adventure strip and perhaps the greatest of these was local boy superhero Billy the Cat. Here in an expansive section of his own, the plucky acrobat chases burglars over rooftops, crushes bullies, catches car thieves and almost mucks up a fire drill in a rollicking rollercoaster of blistering action by Sandy Calder – and there’s also a splendid ‘Quick on the Draw’ feature inviting readers to become artists themselves…

Biffo the Bear then endures an agony of indecision whilst his hirsute and voracious American cousins The Three Bears got a slap-up Christmas feed even after failing again to breach the impregnable local general store of grocer Hank Huckleberry…

The defences of Bunkerton Castle proved too much when Lord Snooty and His Pals tried to bring in a truly tremendous Xmas tree, but Minnie the Minx had far more success in her spring-heeled hi-jinx – until Dad caught her, at least – whilst the ‘Billy Whizz Diary’ proved its worth in mirth before Little Plum and that buffalo had their hands and hooves full trying to wigwam-train Chiefy‘s latest pet – a Smart Alec chimpanzee…

The Nibblers next resumed their war of attrition with malicious moggy Whiskers whilst Roger’s latest Dodges proved ultimately unsuccessful but did prompt him to dream big and explain what would happen ‘If I Were a Rich Boy…’

Another extended journey to Bash Street found the Kids literally sucking up to Teacher after “borrowing” a Corporation Dust Cart and industrial vacuum cleaner, whilst following some enthralling, appalling ‘Party Puzzles’ the ‘Pup Parade’ ended the segment with a dirty scheme to clean up the dog’s communal dustbin home…

Biffo then worked out with the local Fire Brigade and ‘The Three Bears’ had snow fun at all when Hank trapped them with a frigid, foodless maze, after which Minnie found things to amuse herself – but not so many other folks – building snowmen…

The Festive fun then concludes with a thinly veiled but entertaining ad for that year’s Dennis the Menace Annual and a return to the Bash Street Kids’ colour cavortings…

This is another astoundingly compelling edition, and even in the absence of legendary creators such as Dudley Watkins, Leo Baxendale and Ken Reid there’s no discernable decline in the outrageous and infectious insanity. With so much merriment on offer I can’t believe this forty year old book is still sprightlier and more entertaining than most of my surviving friends and relatives. If ever anything needed to be issued as commemorative collections it’s these fabulous DC Thomson annuals…

Divorcing the sheer quality of this brilliant book from nostalgia may be a healthy exercise – perhaps impossible, but I’m perfectly happy to simply wallow in the magical emotions this annual still stirs. It’s a fabulous laugh-and-thrill-packed read from a magical time, and turning those stiffened two-colour pages is always an unmatchable Christmas experience – and still relatively easy to find these days.

© 1971 DC Thomson & Co., Ltd.

There’s a HAIR in My Dirt! – A Worm’s Story


By Gary Larson, coloured by Nick Bell of Wildstorm Productions (Little, Brown and Co/HarperCollins)
ISBNs: 978-0-31664-519-5 (HC)       978-0060932749 (PB)

We may not be rocket scientists but all cartoonists tend to lurk at the sharp end of the IQ bell curve – and then there’s Gary Larson. He could be a rocket scientist if he wanted to. Happily though, his inclinations tend towards natural history and the Life Sciences.

And making people laugh in a truthful, thinking kind of way…

Larson was born in 1950 and raised in WashingtonState. After school and college (also WashingtonStatewhere he got a degree in communications) he bummed around and got a job in a music store – which he hated. During a self-imposed sabbatical he evolved into a cartoonist by submitting to Pacific Search (now Pacific Northwest Magazine) in Seattle who promptly astonished him by accepting and paying for his six drawings. Bemused and emboldened Larson kept on doodling and in 1979 The Seattle Times began publishing his strip Nature’s Way. When The San Francisco Chronicle picked up the gag feature they renamed it The Far Side…

From 1980 on the Chronicle Syndicate peddled the strip with huge success. The Far Side became a global phenomenon and Larson’s bizarre, skewed and bitingly surreal strip starring nature Smug in Tooth and Claw almost took over the world. With 23 collections (over 45 million copies sold), two animated movies, calendars, greetings cards and assorted merchandise seemingly everywhere, the smartypants scribbler was at the top of his game when he retired the feature on January 1st 1995.

After fifteen years at the top, Larson wanted to quit while he was ahead. He still did the occasional promo piece or illustration but increasingly devoted his time to ecological causes and charities such as Conservation International. He still does.

Of course he couldn’t stop drawing or thinking or, indeed, teaching and in 1998 created the stunningly smart and cool children’s book for concerned and nervous adults under the microscope here.

There’s a HAIR in My Dirt! brilliantly, mordantly tells a parable within a fable and serves up a marvellously meaningful message for us to absorb and ingest whilst simultaneously making us laugh like loons and worry like warts.

One day underground a little worm having dinner with his folks finds something unnatural and icky in his meal and starts bemoaning the lowly status and general crappiness of his annelidic existence (look it up, I’m showing off and making a comedic point too…). To counter this outburst of whingeing Father Worm offers a salutary tale to put things into their proper perspective…

Thus begins the tragic tale of Harriet, a beautiful human maiden living – she believed – at one with world in the woods, enraptured with the bountiful Magic of Nature and of one particular frolicsome day encountering cute squirrels, lovely flowers, icky bugs, happy birds, playful deer, tortoises and every kind of creature… and completely missing the point about all of them…

Masquerading as an acerbic faux fairytale teller, Larson delivers an astoundingly astute and unforgettable ecology lesson equally effective in educating young and old alike about Nature’s true nature – and yet still miraculous wonders – all whilst maintaining a monolithic amount of outrageous comic hilarity.

This sublime illustrated yarn became a New York Times Best Seller on its release and still serves as a fabulous reminder of what really clever people can achieve even if they don’t do rocket science…

Seriously though: There’s a HAIR in My Dirt! is one of the smartest, funniest and most enticingly educational kid’s book ever created and should be on every school curriculum. Since it isn’t, perhaps it’s best if you picked one up for the house…?
© 1998 FarWorks, Inc. All rights reserved.

X-Men: Phoenix – Endsong


By Greg Pak, Greg Land & Matt Ryan (Marvel)
ISBN: 978-0-7851-1924-8

In the X-Men’s corner of reality The Phoenix is a universal force of creation and destruction. It first possessed mutant telepath Jean Grey when the team flew through a spectacular solar storm and seemingly transformed the mortal Marvel Girl into a passionate and capricious being of practically godlike power.

When she was first possessed by the fiery force Jean became an unstoppable hero of infinite puissance and an overwhelming champion of Life, but eventually the power corrupted her and she devolved into Dark Phoenix: a wanton god of world-killing appetites.

After succumbing to the addictive lure of her abilities the fiery force consumed an entire populated planet and, after battling both X-Men and the Imperial Guard of the Shi’ar Empire to a standstill, momentarily lost control to its own human avatar. Stricken with remorse Jean contrived to end her own life in the ancient Kree outpost known as the Blue Area of the Moon.

After some years Jean was miraculously resurrected, married her true love Scott “Cyclops” Summers and continued as a much diminished mutant hero. Eventually, however, she regained – or was taken by – the Phoenix powers. With her marriage failing, Jean died in combat against a being who seemed to be long-term foe/friend Magneto and subsequently ascended to become an even more cosmic entity, The White Phoenix of the Crown.

In this collection, re-presenting the 2005 five issue miniseries Phoenix – Endsong (scripted by Greg Pak and illustrated by Greg Land & Matt Ryan), the fundamental force again appears, hungrily seeking a companion-host and, as ever, utterly uncaring about the repercussions of its selfish actions…

The drama begins far away across the universe as a Shi’ar ship attacks the flaming entity and, with unprecedented awareness, the host-less energy flees towards Sol and the home of its most beloved avatar. Soon, on Earth Wolverine is accosted by a vagrant, questing thought-form and realises something isn’t right…

The ghost of the Phoenix visits many of Jean’s old friends and familiar places before finding her one-and-only Scott in the arms of another telepath and at last realises that if it wants Jean back it will have to resurrect her.

No problem…

Jean’s desiccated corpse fights with all the will she possessed in life but thePhoenixis unstoppable. By the time Wolverine reaches her grave Jean Grey is a living, breathing woman again – and unwilling receptacle of the most savage and irresistible power in the universe…

Confused yet triumphant the Phoenixdecides to give Jean everything she had always wanted, including her ideal man. Scott of course, has moved on since her demise and now loves devastatingly capable hellion Emma Frost.

No problem…

As the childish, spiteful creature attempts to reconstruct Jean’s past and erase all her rivals, the pursuing Shi’ar warp in, determined to destroy the fire entity before it reaches its peak of power, whilst on the world below Wolverine alerts Scott and the X-Men to their imminent peril…

Cyclops is grimly determined in the face of the news. His Jean died to save the universe from the Phoenix and this thing that has returned isn’t her, so must be ruthlessly dealt with. As the mutant heroes mobilise, however, the Phoenix attacks, whilst deep in their underground labs, deceased fantastically dangerous Homo superior Supremacist Quentin Quire – the terrifying Kid Omega – has been recalled to life by the Force’s earlier probes and reconstitutes his destroyed body. Topping even that he attempts to resurrect his own lost love Sophie – part of a telepathic collective dubbed the Stepford Cuckoos who died stopping his last petulant rampage.

But for all his power the lovesick boy just can’t make the miracle work a second time…

The X-Men are unable to stopPhoenix. She easily overcomes them and the desperate Shi’ar before teleporting to the North Pole with Wolverine. The aliens are now far more concerned that Quire might be an even more suitable host for the flaming force and threaten to eradicate the planet with a custom-made singularity…

At the top of the world Wolverine unleashes his claws but the thing that isn’t Jean just won’t die and all he accomplishes is the weakening of the last vestiges of control her conscience had exerted on thePhoenix.

By the time Cyclops and the X-Men arrive the universal firebird is moments away from getting everything it ever wanted and the stage is set for another cosmic tragedy to unfold. However love has always been thePhoenix’s weakness and Scott, Wolverine and all the assembled X-Men who ever knew Jean will do whatever is necessary to preserve her memory and spirit…

Action-packed but often only barely avoiding a descent into the mercilessly maudlin, this is a lovely piece of comicbook eye-candy which suffers from the twin perils of a surfeit of unexplained continuity and too much heavy-handed sentimentality. If you’re a long-term or effusively passionate new fan there’s a lot to enjoy but other than the exceedingly pretty pictures (supplemented by a wealth of variant covers and 5 pages of pencils prior to the application of ink and colour), casual readers probably won’t find the ride a very comfortable one.

Which might be a problem…
© 2009 Marvel Characters, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Hulk: Red and Green


By Jeph Loeb, Arthur Adams, Frank Cho, Herb Trimpe & various (Marvel)
ISBN: 978-0-7851-2884-7

Once upon a time, military scientist Bruce Banner was accidentally caught in a Gamma Bomb blast of his own devising. As a result, stress and sundry other triggers regularly caused him to transform into a gigantic green monster of impossible strength and fury. Alternately – often simultaneously – cast as both mindless monster and unlikely occasional hero, he rampaged across the fictional landscape for decades, becoming one of Marvel’s most successful comicbook features and multi-media megastars.

An incredibly popular character in global pop culture, the Hulk has periodically undergone radical changes in scope and format to keep his stories fresh and his exploits explosively compelling…

In recent years the number of Gamma-mutated monsters stomping around the Marvel universe proliferated to inconceivable proportions. The days of Banner getting angry and going Green at the drop of a hat are long gone, so anybody taking their cues from the TV or movie incarnations will be wise to assume a level of unavoidable confusion. With assorted Hulks, progeny proto-Hulks, She-Hulks, Abominations and all manner of ancillary atomic berserker roaming the planet, be prepared to experience a little confusion if you’re coming to this relatively cold. Nonetheless, these always epic stories are generally worth the effort, so persist if you can.

Even if you are familiar with Hulk history, ancient and modern, you might be forgiven for foundering on the odd point of narrative, so this book, collecting a more-or-less self-contained episode of gamma-generated chaos and calamity from 2008-2009, offers a cathartic dose of destructive diversion, with lashings of tension, suspense and even laughs with a minimum of head-hurting continuity conundrums.

What you need to know: a new, intelligent and ruthlessly efficient Red Hulk has been spotted throughout America – clearly not Bruce Banner but nevertheless quite able to hold his own against such powerhouses as The Abomination and even Thor. His origins and intentions unknown, the Rubicund Rogue guards his human identity with terrifying ferocity…

This will all eventually be revealed as part of an overlong, ongoing plot by the world’s wickedest brain-trust to conquer everything (latterly revealed in the epic Fall of the Hulks sequence) but here and now the action and mystery are all that matter…

When released as monthly comics, the issues in question (Hulk volume 2, #7-9 with portions of King Size Hulk #1) ran as “split-book’s” featuring short separate instalments of both the Magenta and Jade Juggernauts, and this titanic tome opens with a 3-parter by scripter Jeph Loeb and artists Arthur Adams & Walden Wong. In ‘Where Monsters Dwell’ an appalled Dr. Banner grimly comes to accept that there’s another unstoppable horror on the loose spawned by his long-gone dabbling with Gamma rays. Meanwhile inCanada the subject of his researches has a brief, brutal and decidedly final encounter with the cursed and cannibalistic once-human creature known as the Wendigo before heading south. Little does the Crimson Colossus realise that there is more than one…

The second chapter found Banner in hot pursuit and tracking his torrid target to Nevada in time to encounter a plague of Wendigos in the city’s casinos, prompting a fortunate flashback to the physicist’s Gamma-grey alter-ego Mr. Fixit and a catastrophically destructive “team-up” with Avengers Moon Knight, Sentry and Ms. Marvel that ends with him turning green, mean and moronic in ‘What Happens in Vegas’ …

The cataclysmically chaotic clash of unlikely protectors and proliferating people-eaters in ‘World’s Finest’ leads to a spectacular fighting finish and another off-kilter guest-shot for the exceedingly eccentric Brother Voodoo before the crisis is contained in the concluding ‘Jackpot’…

Meanwhile the subject of Banner’s search had been detained elsewhere. In ‘Wait until Dark’ (limned by Frank Cho) the Sensational She-Hulk was brutally beaten and brought to the brink of death by the sadistic Scarlet Savage, but resilient and undaunted called in a few friends for a rematch in ‘Hell Hath No Fury…’

Backed up by S.H.I.E.L.D., She-Hulk, Thundra and the Valkyrie trail the Red Devil to Mount Rushmore and seemingly overwhelm the bloody brute but, as seen in ‘…Like a Woman Scorned!’, the devious deviant is more cunning than any previous Hulk and turns ‘The Revenge of the Lady Liberators’ (augmented at the end by Invisible Woman, Storm, Black Widow, Spider-Woman, Tigra and Hellcat) into an opportunity to recruit a willing accomplice for his long-term goals…

Also included in this collection is a terse, gripping eulogy to a despised and departed villain as Loeb and Emerald legend Herb Trimpe detail ‘The Death and Life of the Abomination’ an assortment of covers and variants by Adams, Cho, Trimpe, Sal Buscema & Chris Sotomayor and Ed McGuiness, pages of unlinked pencils and layouts from Adams, and ‘Hulk Web’, ‘Hulk Airport’ and ‘Hulk Ice’- a selection of bonus comedy strips by Audrey Loeb & Chris Giarrusso.

If staggering, blockbusting Fights ‘n’ Tights turmoil is your fancy, a Hulk of any colour is always going to be at the top of every thrill-seeker’s hit list…
© 2008, 2009 Marvel Characters, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Peach Slices


By Donna Barr (Aeon/Mu)
No ISBN:                    2006 edition: 978-1-89225-325-5

The Desert Peach is the supremely self-assured and eminently efficient gay brother of Erwin Rommel, the legendary German soldier universally hailed as “the Desert Fox”. Set – usually – in Africa during World War II, this priceless gem of a series effortlessly combines hilarity, absurdity, profound sensitivity and glittering spontaneity, with stories describing the dalliances and daily tribulations of Oberst Manfred Pfirsich Marie Rommel; dutiful albeit unwilling cog in the iniquitous German War Machine, yet one determined to remain a civilised gentleman under the most adverse and unkind conditions.

However, although in his own ways as formidable as his beloved elder sibling, the caring, gracious and genteel Peach is a man who loathes causing harm or giving offence. Thus he spends his service commanding the dregs of the military in the ghastly misshapes of the 469th Halftrack, Gravedigging & Support Unit of the Afrika Korps, daily endeavouring to remain stylish, elegant, civil and ever so patient with and to the assorted waifs, wastrels and warriors on both sides of the unfortunate global conflict.

It’s a thankless, endless task: the 469th houses the worst the Wehrmacht has ever conscripted, from malingerers and malcontents to useless wounded, shiftless conmen, screw-ups and outright maniacs.

Pfirsich unilaterally applies the same decorous courtesies to the sundry natives inhabiting the area and the rather tiresome British and Anzac forces – not all of whom are party to a clandestine non-aggression pact Pfirsich has agreed with his opposite numbers in the amassed Allied Forces. In fact the only people to truly annoy the peace-loving Peach are boors, bigots, bullies and card-carrying Blackshirts…

The romantic fool is also passionately in love with and engaged to Rosen Kavalier: handsome Aryan warrior and wildly manly Luftwaffe Ace, but arguably the real star of these fabulous frothy epics is the Peach’s long-suffering, unkempt, crafty, ill-mannered, bilious and lazily scrofulous orderly Udo Schmidt, a man of many secrets whose one redeeming virtue is his uncompromising loyalty and devotion to the only decent man and tolerable officer in the entire German army.

This eccentric aggregation of extras, excerpts and exotica was first released in 1993, gathering extraneous material from a variety of sources and covering the period 1987-1993: as much an affectionate art-book as delicious dose of non-or mis-canonical hi-jinx. The entire package was subsequently re-released in 2006 in a Directors Cut edition which added issue #25’s WWI Transylvanian Hammer-Horror pastiche ‘Beautiful’ to the mix and included reminiscences, background commentary and creator kibitzing regarding all the esoteric tales and titbits.

The gloriously visual treat begins with an Unused Pin Design and a splendid Badge Design from the San Diego Comic-Con 1989 after which a quartet of stunning and bizarre Beer Labels (for ales created by micro brewer Wendell Joost in 1988) precedes ‘Peach on Earth’ from A Very Mu Christmas 1992 – one of the very best Christmas stories ever produced in the notoriously twee and sentimental comics field.

Set in the harsh December of 1945, it follows the demobbed and repatriated Pfirsich as he wanders through his broken and occupied homeland, avoiding trouble and American troops but not the gnawing starvation and freezing snows which would kill so many returning, defeated German soldiers. On the verge of despair and death the Peach is brusquely adopted by a strange, brittle and utterly fearless little boy who has only known the Fatherland in the throes of decline, but still looks eagerly to a brighter tomorrow…

This is followed by a rather risqué Rosen Kavalier pinup from Paper Phantasies (1991) and an unused strip originally commissioned by Rip Off Press whilst ‘Whipping Boy’ is a full-on adult escapade of the unconventional lovers as is ‘I Am What I Am… (I Think)’ a “Desert Peach Pitt Stop” that also languished unpublished until this collection preserved it.

Bits ‘n’ Pieces was a short-lived self-published magazine the indefatigable author used to disseminate assorted works which never made it into the regular, normal-length Desert Peach title. ‘The Veteran’ comes from the first issue in 1991 and returned focus to the motley cast of the hapless 469th for adeliciously philosophical foray that starred a most peculiar and innocent warrior named Thommi, whilst, after a frolicsome Desert Peach pinup from the 1989 Amazing Heroes Swimsuit Special, ‘Hindsight’ (Bits ‘n’ Pieces #1 1991) dabbles into personal politics before ‘Reflections’ from #3 offered a few New Year’s observations on the cast and stars from Barr herself.

The 1991 San Diego Comic-Con booklet provided another beguiling pinup before ‘Udo and the Phoenix’ (from Xenophon #1, 1992) related another tale of the spirited Arab horse accidentally owned by Udo and cared for by the equally magnificent Pfirsich, whilst ‘Reluctant Affections’ (from Bits ‘n’ Pieces #1 1991, before being redrawn as ‘Pigeonholed’ for Gay Comics #16) explored a tender, fragile moment and adorable chink in the macho armour of uber-Mensch Rosen…

‘The More Things Change’ from benefit book Choices in 1992 debates the abortion issue with characteristic abrasive aplomb after which ‘Sweet Delusions’ (Wimmin’s Comix #16 1991) gets down to the eye-watering nitty-gritty of Rosen & Pfirsich’s love life and ‘Wet Dream’ (Bits ‘n’ Pieces #3 1991) follows up with more of the same in a hilariously wry maritime moment.

Barr’s creations are never far from always internally consistent flights of extreme fantasy as seen in glorious diversion ‘The Oasis’ (Centaurs Gatherum 1990) with Pfirsich and brother Erwin finding a militarily priceless waterhole with a fantastic secret and forced to spend a truly outrageous time trapped as hybrid half horses…

This captivating chronicle concludes with a selection of ‘Peach Pits’ miscellanea: illustrations, roughs and small press items culled from the Desert Peach Musical books, t-shirts and posters. There’s some fascinating rough layouts from the aforementioned ‘Peach on Earth’, an unused page from DP #17 (the superb ‘Culture Shock’ as seen in The Desert Peach: Marriage & Mayhem) and assorted stuff from Zine Zone #13, 1992, covers from Germanophilic Amateur Press Association magazine ‘Krauts’ and shirt designs before the whole outrageous affair ends well with an implausibly “true tail” starring half-horse Stinz Löwhard, Pfirsich and Erwin in a ‘Character Revolt’ from 1987’s Fan’toons 19.

Desert Peach adventures are always bawdy, raucous, satirical, authentically madcap and immensely engaging; bizarre (anti) war stories which rank amongst the very best comics of the 1990s. Even now they still pack a shattering comedic kick and – if you’re not quite ready – poignantly emotional charge.

The Desert Peach ran for 32 intermittent issues via a number of publishers and was subsequently collected as eight graphic novel collections (1988-2005). A prose novel, Bread and Swans, a musical, and an invitational collection by other artists entitled Ersatz Peach were also created during the strip’s heyday. A larger compendium, Seven Peaches, collected issues #1-7 and Pfirsich’s further exploits continue as part of the Modern Tales webcomics collective…

Illustrated in Barr’s fluidly seductive wood-cut and loose-line style, this book is another must-have item for lovers of wit, slapstick, high drama and belly-laughs and grown-up comics in general. All the collections are pretty hard to find these days but if you have a Kindle, Robot Comics released individual comicbook issues, and for anybody with internet access and refined tastes there’s always the webcomic to fall back on…

© 1987-1993 Donna Barr. All rights reserved. The Desert Peach is ™ Donna Barr.

 

Christmas miracle moment: Just as we were preparing to post this, the multi-talented Mirth-Meister herself dropped us an update on availability and I’m not mean enough to keep the contents to myself in this season of sharing.

So to see Peach magic for yourself check out websites http://www.donnabarr.com or http://thedesertpeach.com and if you just have to own your own Peach product http://www.lulu.com/desertpeach, offers a huge double collection that also comes as economical loadable files and The Desert Peach (plus Stinz and Bosom Enemies) are all re-printed with colour extras at http://www.Indyplanet.com at marvellously economical rates.

Enjoy!

The Mighty Thor: Everything Burns


By Matt Fraction, Kieron Gillen, Alan Davis, Carmine Di Giandomenico, Stephanie Hans, Barry Kitson, Mark Farmer & Jay Leisten (Marvel/Panini UK)
ISBN: 978-1-84653-521-5

In the middle of 1962, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby launched their latest offbeat superhero creation in anthology monsters-and-fantasy title Journey into Mystery #83. The tale introduced crippled American doctor Donald Blake who took a vacation in Norway only to encounter the vanguard of an alien invasion. Fleeing in terror he was trapped in a cave wherein lay an old, gnarled walking stick. When, in helplessness and frustration, the puny human smashed the cane into a huge boulder obstructing his escape, his insignificant frame was transformed into the hulking and brawny Norse God of Thunder, Thor!

The series grew from formulaic beginnings battling aliens, commies and cheap thugs into a vast, breathtaking cosmic playground for Kirby’s burgeoning imagination with Journey into Mystery inevitably becoming the Mighty Thor where, after years of bombastic adventuring, the peculiarities and inconsistencies of the Don Blake/Thor relationship were re-examined and finally clarified to explain how the immortal godling could also be locked within frail Don Blake.

The epic saga took the immortal hero back to his long-distant youth and finally revealed that the mortal surgeon was no more than an Odinian construct designed to teach the Thunder God humility and compassion…

Time passed, Kirby left, and the Thunderer’s fortunes waxed and waned. During the troubled mid-1990’s the title vanished, culled with the Avengers, Iron Man, Captain America and Fantastic Four and subcontracted out to Image creators Jim Lee and Rob Liefield during 1996-1997 in a desperate attempt to improve sales after Marvel’s apocalyptic Onslaught publishing event.

In 1998 Heroes Return and Heroes Reborn saw those properties rejoin the greater Marvel Universe, relaunched with brand new first issues. The Thunder God reappeared a few weeks later. After many phenomenal adventures that second volume concluded with issues #84-85 (November-December 2004) which once-and-for-honestly-all depicted the Really, Truly, We Mean It! End of the Gods and Day of Ragnarok as Thor himself instigated the final fall to end a ceaseless cycle of suffering and destruction, ultimately defeating the ruthless beings who had manipulated the exalted inhabitants of Asgard since time began…

You can’t keep a profitable property down or a great comics character un-resurrected, so he was reborn again when a mysterious voice summoned Thor back to life – and Earth (us fans call it Midgard) – in a crack of spectacular thunder. Revived for an unspecified purpose the solitary and reigning Lord of Asgard swiftly set about retrieving the souls of his fellow godlings, all scattered and hidden inside human hosts before establishing Asgard on Earth, a few paltry feet above the ground of Broxton, Oklahoma…

This small and simple community had experienced a few intriguing neighbours before and eventually adapted to the newcomers despite the chaos, hell and Federal grief the Asgardians seemed to perpetually attract.

This spectacular game-changing epic was designed to celebrate the feature’s anniversary as part of the “50 Years of Thunder” event and collects The Mighty Thor #18-22 as it crossed over with issues #642-645 of sister-series Journey into Mystery through the latter half of 2012 and effectively clears the slate for a whole new approach in future…

What you need to know: after millennia of doctrinaire double-dealing and abusive micro-management All-Father Odin is gone, banished to another dimension, with his puissant kingdom Asgard ruled by his wife Freyja and a council of sister goddesses who act as a co-operative “All-Mother”.

Moreover the eternally capricious and malignant Loki has undergone a few shocking changes too. Resurrected from death and hell by his eternally optimistic half-brother Thor, the trickster has endured life as a woman and currently exists as a (presumably) innocent boy-child: his long-suffering and constantly betrayed family attempting one final gambit to reform the villain and raise a true and decent scion of Asgard.

It seems to be going quite well…

With Matt Fraction, Alan Davis & Mark Farmer taking the Thor segments and Kieron Gillen & Carmine Di Giandomenico on the JiM chapters the saga opens in the newly re-named Asgardia where Freyja dreams of the dark days in prehistory when Odin and his race of Aesir battled her father Freyr, ruler of rival bellicose pantheon the Vanir.

The resulting war was so brutal than when Odin finally claimed victory and forcibly merged the tribes through arranged marriage to Freyja, the new “Asgardians” excised all mention of the conflict from the annals of the kingdom.

However, although a peacefully united god-tribe for uncounted eons, no participant on either side truly forgot the hideous pact which the hard-pressed Vanir had made with demonic fire-lord Surtur in their direst hour of need nor the appalling toll taken during that climactic final climactic clash with their Aesir opponents…

On Earth today strange phenomena occur with disturbing frequency: dead birds fall from the skies in flames, spontaneous blazes and conflagrations erupt which not even weather god Thor can extinguish with storm or blizzard…

And in Hel, at the base of the Nine Realms, the roots of the world-ash Yggdrasil are engulfed in flame…

In Mephisto’s infernal domain the tempter believes he has discerned Loki’s grand scheme whilst in Vanaheim Freyja’s brooding unforgiving sister Gullveig receives an embassage and awesome gifts from an anonymous source. In Asgardia-above-Broxton a concerned council dispatches a party of warriors to investigate its Vanaheim province where the deeply symbolic Temple of Union is ablaze with flames that cannot be extinguished. However when Thor and his comrades Volstagg, Hogun and Fandral lead the mission to the distant conflagration they are attacked and routed by Gullveig and her Vanir troops using terrifying new weapons from another pantheon. The ancient feud is not only fully rekindled but spreading like wildfire…

Thor consults with his redeemed but still canny half-brother in Asgardia but, even as the juvenile sorcerer gropes to understand the machinations of trusted friends turned foe, Loki reveals his greatest mistake since resurrection, whilst in the metaphysical Otherworld which houses Britain’s communal subconscious, that nation’s newest deities “the Manchester Gods” reveal their unwitting and ill-conceived alliance with Reality’s greatest Enemy.

To empower their apotheosis, Wilson and his lords of steam and industry and commerce had employed the craftily offered gifts of the fire demon. The divine Engines of Albion’s Gods of the Cities were the products of Surtur’s hellish forge and now the Lord of Conflagration is exacting a deadly tithe; one increasingly turned against the embattled Aesir…

Following a stormy confrontation wherein Thor putsWilsonand his pantheon on warning, the Asgardian prepare for war against the Vanir. Their resolve is tested when evidence is found incriminating Freyja and the members of the All-Mother as traitors…

With Volstagg, Hogun and Fandral leading, a lynch mob moves to arrest both the Queen and the always-guilty-of-something Loki and Thor is forced to defend the last members of his family from his oldest friends…

Only the forceful presence of guardian god – and purebred Vanir-man – Heimdall contains the explosive situation and reunites the fractured Asgardians, subsequently dispatching them throughout the Nine Realms where Surtur’s demonic forces are laying waste to everything.

For the sake of unity the assembled All-Mother go into voluntary house arrest but panicked Loki flees, convinced he can only trust himself to solve the crisis…

He travels to the land of the dead but abjectly fails to convince dark goddess Hela and her consort Tyr to assist in the war against the Fire Demon, whilst in Muspelheim Surtur and his mysterious ally debate their ultimate plans for the harried, overconfident and increasingly powerless Loki and are waiting when the rejuvenated Prince of Asgard inevitably sneaks into the Demon’s Realm in a vain effort to be the conquering hero…

Soon, in Asgardia valiant Volstagg begins to regret accepting the role of war-king as the conflict against Surtur and the Vanir goes from bad to worse.

In Muspelheim Loki has seemingly turned the situation to his advantage after debating with Surtur and his hidden ally, but it’s hard to find a position of advantage when the Fire Lord’s unswerving, unshakable goal is to burn all life in the universe to cold dead ashes…

However, even as a child Thor’s half-brother is still undoubtedly the wiliest, most cunning creature in creation and Loki has a plan …but is he truly reformed and do his schemes benefit all the Asgardians or only, ultimately, himself…?

The story then explodes into a fearsome melee on all fronts of existence that will enthral fans of cosmic carnage and spectacular action with shining heroism and base betrayal revealing all that is great and self-destructive in Thor and his warrior clan, but even with the last-minute return of a long-lost supernal saviour, the defeat of Surtur’s excoriating scheme and a semblance of normality restored, there is still drama and revelation aplenty in this epic and enchantingly bombastic tale.

The suspenseful aftermath concludes with telling re-examinations of both Loki and Thor (this last illustrated by Barry Kitson) and the disclosure of shocking surprises that will utterly change everything in the world of the gods…

With covers and variants by Davis & Farmer, Stephanie Hans, Pasqual Ferry, Steve McNiven, and an eye-popping montage by most of the artists who’ve worked on the strip over the last five decades, this truly galvanic chronicle combines staggering conflict on a universal scale with fiercely probing characterisation and astounding revelations which add a subtle depth and intensity never before seen in these iconic comic heroes. Magnificently beguiling, this adventure extravaganza packs the proper punch to stun and subjugate comics-continuity veterans and film-fed fanboys alike and will delight Fights ‘n’ Tights followers for years to come

™ & © 2013 Marvel and subs. Licensed by Marvel Characters B.V. through Panini S.p.A,Italy. All Rights Reserved. A British edition published by Panini UK, Ltd.

Immortal Weapons


By many & various (Marvel)
ISBN: 978-0-7851-3848-8

Once upon a time little Danny Rand travelled with his parents and uncle to the chilly Himalayas, searching for the “lost city of K’un Lun” which only appears once every ten years. Within spitting distance of their goal, the boy’s father Wendell was murdered by the uncle and Danny’s mother sacrificed herself to save her child. Alone in the wilderness, the city found him and he spent the next decade mastering all forms of martial arts.

As soon he was able, Danny returned to the real world intent on vengeance, further armed with a mystic punch gained by killing the dragon Shou-Lao the Undying. When Iron Fist eventually achieved his goal the lad was at a loose end and – by default – a billionaire, as his murderous uncle had turned the family business into a multi-national megalith.

Iron Fist sprang out whole-heartedly out of the 1970s Kung Fu Craze, by way of a heartfelt tribute to Bill Everett’s golden Age super-hero Amazing Man (who appeared from 1939-1945 in Centaur Comics) from character originators Roy Thomas and Gil Kane.

The series ran hot and cold in Marvel Premier (#15-25; May 1974 – October 1975), before Chris Claremont & John Byrne steadied the ship and went on to produce a superb run of issues in his own title (Iron Fist #1-15, November 1975 – September 1977) which you can enjoy in the blockbusting, board-breaking Essential Iron Fist volume 1.

After cancellation the character drifted until paired with street-tough hero-for-hire Luke Cage. Power Man & Iron Fist ran from #51 until the book ended in 1986 (#125). The K’un Lun Kid has died, come back and cropped up all over the Marvel universe as guest star, co-star and even in a few of his own miniseries.

Recently revived and somewhat re-imagined as The Immortal Iron Fist, the new series revealed that there has been a steady progression of warriors bearing the title for centuries – if not millennia – and that K’un L’un was not the only magic city. In fact there were at least six others and each had its own supreme martial arts wonder warrior…

There are in fact seven mystical cities in this universe and every 88 years their celestial inter-dimensional orbits coincide to permit a grand martial arts tournament. In the course of the most recent contest we were introduced to a bunch of bizarre and baroque battlers who proved interesting enough to warrant their own shot at stardom…

This spin-off collection concentrates on those alternative champions whilst extemporising on differing aspects of Chinese kung fu culture in popular arts such as cinema, gathering the 5-issue miniseries Immortal Weapons from 2010. The all out action begins with the tempestuous and overbearing ‘Fat Cobra: the Book of the Cobra’ by Jason Aaron & artists Mico Suayan, Michael Lark, Stefano Gaudiano, Roberto de La Torre, Khari Evans, Victor Olazaba & Arturo Lozzi, and finds the burly braggart enjoying wine, women and song – especially women and extra-especially wine – when writer Carmichael appears. Although the very old and very drunk warrior has forgotten, in a more sober moment he commissioned the research to find out everything about the bombastic champion of Peng Lai. Not just because a mighty warrior needs his life recorded, but because after so many years of combat, copulation and booze, Fat Cobra has forgotten.

The petrifiedCarmichaelknows his sponsor won’t like what he has discovered…

‘Bride of Nine Spiders: The Spider’s Song’ (by Cullen Bunn & Dan Brereton, inked by Tom Palmer, Gaudiano & Mark Pennington) also examines the origins of the sinister siren, but links it to a terse tale of terror as one of the demi-divine warrior’s arcane arachnids is trapped on Earth in 1935 and becomes the most coveted eldritch artefact in the world.

When the spider passes to debauched billionaire Desmond Guille, a rival collector hires the infallible Jason Krieg and his team to steal it, but by the time the thieves invade Guille’s island fortress, the Queen of Spiders has at last returned to reclaim her lost love and the mercenaries are trapped in an uncanny nest of appallingly horror…

The oppressive bustling urban nightmare of Colonial Hong Kong is the setting for ‘Dog Brother: Urban Legend’ (by Rick Spears & Tim Green II) as starving foundlings struggle to stay alive in an underworld of ruthless savagery and horrifying depravity, buoyed up only by legends of the mythic champion of the Under-City who only fights for the most weak, lost, abandoned and forgotten.

But just how much must brutalised, emaciated Sihing and Sidai endure before they have fallen far enough for Dog Brother to notice them…?

The next offering examines the nature of an unconquerable Amazon tribe betrayed and enslaved by their own men.

Gulled by the heroic Tiger, a slave nation is only saved when his own cosseted, pampered child rejects the honeyed lies which have kept women in silken bondage. Listening to the clarion call of her own body, the indomitable child recovers not just her honour and power but the destiny of her defeated broken people in ‘Tiger’s Beautiful Daughter: All this Useless Beauty’ by Duane Swierczynski, Khari Evans, Victor Olazaba & Allen Martinez.

‘Prince of Orphans: The Loyal Ten Thousand Dead’ is a spectacular Chinese ghost story from David Lapham, & Arturo Lozzi, as Iron Fist is summoned by the spectral champion John Aman to counter the threat of a legion of vengeful warrior spirits cheated by a false Emperor two millennia past. If they can’t have him, the innocents living in one of the most populous cities on Earth will just have to do, so Danny and the Prince are in for one hell of a fight. At least there’s a dragon on their side – if it doesn’t eat or fry them first…

Each original issue also contained a brief episode starring the controversial Champion of K’un L’un. ‘The Immortal Iron Fist: Caretakers’ was written by Duane Swierczynski with the first two chapters illustrated by Travel Foreman & Gaudiano and the concluding three by Hatuey Diaz.

When Jada Frey got home one night, drug-pushers looking for her older brother murdered their dad and kidnapped her baby brother to force their target out of hiding. Luckily for Jada her kung fu sensei Danny Rand wouldn’t take “leave me alone” for an answer…

Comfortably mixing traditional costume-capers with the best of movie martial arts fantasy, horror movies and urban gangster thrillers, this terrific tome blends compellingly exotic action with supernatural thrills and trenchant, mordant laughs for an explosively visceral time that should appeal equally to superhero fans and martial arts mavens alike.
© 2009, 2010 Marvel Characters, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Joe Golem and the Drowning City – an Illustrated Novel


By Mike Mignola & Christopher Golden (St. Martin’s Press)
ISBN: 978-0-312-64473-4

Win’s Christmas Gift Recommendation: merry hell and utterly engrossing… 8/10

As well as being involved with some of the very best superhero yarns of the late 20th century, Legendary fantasist and comics-creator Mike Mignola has carved himself a splendid and memorable niche in the industry’s history by revitalising the sub-genre of horror-heroes via his superb Hellboy, B.P.R.D. and Lobster Johnson tales, creating his own very special dark place where thrill-starved fans can wallow in all things dire and dreadful…

Clearly he has far more ideas than he can successfully manage in one lifetime as well as a deep and abiding love for the classical supernatural thriller medium, as evidenced by this superb pastiche of the writings of horror pioneers H.P. Lovecraft and August Derleth tinctured with lashings of pulp adventure flavourings in the manner of Clark Ashton Smith, Walter B. Gibson and Robert E. Howard…

You won’t remember it, but in 1925 a horrific earthquake shifted the bedrock of Manhattan and half of New York City sank 30-odd feet beneath the greasy, salty waves. The rich glitterati relocated to shiny Uptown towers with the most incredible seafront vistas whilst the less fortunate had to adapt to a life of crushing, inundating poverty and ramshackle survival, scavenging in the appalling, un-policed canals and underwater alleys of the sordidVenice that was “Downtown”.

The decades passed in this tidal backwater and the lowly ones who had no place else to go adapted, as always, to radical changes. One such was Felix Orlov, a stage conjuror who discovered over the years that he had a rare and genuine talent as a medium. Felix could speak to and for the dead but, now in his twilight years, could never leave the drowned theatre he loved. Thus he eked out a tenuous existence among the bereaved and bereft with only 14 year old Molly McHugh as his housekeeper and companion.

Years ago Orlov had saved her from the ubiquitous degenerate prowling scum dubbed Water Rats, and as his faculties diminished she had come to think of him as her father. She was certainly most useful whenever clients came seeking his unique services…

Increasingly over the last fifty years Felix had been plagued by impossible dreams of uncanny rites, shapeless monstrosities and a ghastly sacrifice, but this morning was the worst ever. All the same the old trouper brushed aside Molly’s concerns and carried on with the morning’s scheduled séance. It was the last he would ever conduct…

During contact with the Other Side something appalling and unknown gripped him, just as in the material world impossibly sturdy and terrifyingly vigorous gas-masked thugs burst into his home and kidnapped the possessed Orlov’s withered corporeal frame.

They wanted Molly too but her survival-honed instincts enabled her to escape and lead them a deadly dance through the submerged underworld of Downtown.

She had no plan except escape and was down to her last erg of energy when the mysterious hulking brute named Joe intervened, battling the pursuers and discovering that the hunters were anything but human…

Joe’s rescue of Molly was no accident: he had been dispatched by his boss to save both magician and assistant but had arrived too late. With only half his mission accomplished, the bluff, friendly giant was in no mood to deal with Molly’s very sensible suspicions. When she tried to bolt again, Joe chloroformed her…

The frantic girl awoke within a fantastic sanctum and was introduced to the world’s most famous consulting detective, a ghost-haunted genius who had worked with Scotland Yard since Victoria’s time, now keeping his feeble frame alive long after his human meat had failed by installing self-built organs powered by steam and run by clockwork.

…And magic; bleak, black magic…

The man named Simon Church had an incredible tale to tell: of a prolonged duel with a mad thaumaturgical scientist named Doctor Cocteau, an astounding threat from the outer depths of human imagination, elder gods and the harsh unpalatable truth about Molly’s missing employer and father figure…

What he didn’t tell her was the even more incredible truth about Joe, even as he sent them both off to recover the fabled mystic artefact Lector’s Pentajulum and quite possibly save all of humanity from a madman’s lethal hubris.

However Cocteau wasn’t the only driven savant with an audacious hunger for forbidden knowledge which might result in a malign, supernal invasion from things utterly beyond mortal comprehension…

Fast-paced, moody and completely captivating, this rollercoaster of tension and thrills by Mignola and long-term co-writer Christopher Golden blends the ghastly brooding chills of Cthulu with the derring-do of Indiana Jones in a boldly alternate time and place to maximum effect.

This excellent late night love-affair with a grotesque golden age rattles and roars along buoyed up with ebullient, heroic-culture distillations both refreshingly familiar yet engagingly novel, with ghosts and monsters rubbing misshaped shoulders in sunken lairs and seedy dives (sorry, couldn’t resist) as a tough-as-nails big softie and a hard-bitten slip of a girl unite to save a world not quite our own…

Described as a steam-punk adventure, the scintillating saga contained within this reassuringly square-cut, hardbound and satisfyingly rustic tome is adorned with 69 grittily monochrome full, half, third and quarter-page illustrations by the artist to comprise a joyous homage to the necromantic good old days.

Miss it at your peril, fright fans…
© 2012 Mike Mignola and Christopher Golden. All rights reserved.