By Tillie Walden (SelfMadeHero)
ISBN: 978-1-62672-772-4 (HB/Digital edition)
Transitions are important. In fact, they are literally life changing. Here’s another one captured and shared by the amazing Tillie Walden…
We usually attribute wisdom and maturity in the creative arts to having lived a bit of life and getting some emotional grit in our wheels and sand in our faces, but that’s not the case for Texas-raised Tillie, whose incredible canon includes I Love this Part, On a Sunbeam, Are You Listening? and Clementine, not to mention award-winning debut graphic novel The End of Summer and the revelatory biography we’re discussing here today.
If you’re a completist, you’ll also want her picture book My Parents Won’t Stop Talking (created with Emma Hunsinger) and even her Cosmic Slumber Tarot set.
You don’t need a mask to have an origin story, and it’s a rare person – or perhaps indicative of self-deception or mental illness – who never ponders who they are or how they got to right here, right now. It’s a process that’s infinitely rewarding for creators and their readers. Spinning is a perfect example of an extremely talented person taking a basic human drive, exploiting it and turning it into magic. It’s a very personal origin story, which may have great relevance and meaning for many seeing it – and it’s got costumes too…
As previously stated, Walden has created a bunch of books and they mostly have little bios that say that she’s from Austin, Texas, as if that’s some kind of warning or character reference. Later ones say that she lives in Vermont with her wife and two cats and teaches at the Center for Cartoon Studies. So how did that happen?
Intimate and revelatory, some of the story is here: concentrating on her middle school years, back when she was a competitive ice skater.
There’s something worrisome and uncomfortable about the kind of family that allows – or worse, pushes – a child into a punishing regime of intense training in pursuit of sporting (or any other kind of excellence with a monetary benefit attached). I’ve heard all the arguments for and frankly, I don’t care. I was in a choir from age 5 to the end of secondary school, and I know just when it stopped being fun and became a burden…
Tillie back then was a kid who had to get up hours before school, travelling mostly on her own to isolated rinks and push relentlessly just to be one of the few seeking to excel at figure and synchronised skating. There were countless hours of sleep deficit, cruelly screaming or smotheringly solicitous coaches, equally exhausted and brittle girls just as reluctant to be there and always perishing cold. And that’s only how each day started.
… And then the family abruptly upped sticks from New Jersey to resettle in Austin, Texas…
The next few years are revisited with punishing candour and beguiling charm, employing the conceit of specific moves in a skating program as indicators/chapter headings. We open with ‘Waltz Jump’, covering her East Coast life and cross-country transition to a whole new world as soon as 5th grade classes ended…
‘Scratch Spin’ sees scorching August heat as the new kid meets teammates and/or rivals Michaela, Jennifer, Rosalind, Dasha and Little Dasha: as Tillie quickly learns that nothing she knew before applies here. At least coach Caitlin seems supportive and not another screaming harpy…
To supplement the misery, boost her grades and ostensibly offset bullying, Tillie is enrolled in a private girls’ school and sent for private cello lessons, proving her parents knew nothing about girls or school. Even skating has changed. Now she must attend two different rinks at separate times of day, constantly test to qualify and of course, endure more new friends… and otherwise.
Although Carly, Trinity, Sarah and the rest are all nice enough, it somehow only reinforces Tillie’s feelings of isolation and discomfort…
‘Flip Jump’ features first crushes, new bestie Lindsay, scary moments with adored brother John and a creepy old guy, with Miss Walden triumphantly rejoining the traveling competition circuit, and ‘Axel’ celebrates her turning 12 and become bogged down in all the complex social interactions she just doesn’t understand but which increasingly obsess her class and teammates. There’s also a bitterly regretted missed chance to confront the bully who made her life hell for a year…
Increasingly aware that skating is now a chore not a choice, Tillie begins to ‘Spiral’ after a near fatal accident she refuses to tell anyone about, but which has lasting repercussions. There’s a life changing moment when she realises how much she enjoys drawing and how good she is at it, and a far happier discovery: classmate Rae likes her every bit as much as Tillie likes her – and in just the same way.
‘Spread Eagle’ sees that critical first love brutally end when her girlfriend’s parents find out and take preventative action: something Tillie would have far preferred to the understanding talk her own mother forces upon her, and which leads to the skater coming out to anyone who cares to listen…
As art grows to consume her, skating declines as an interest but paradoxically boosts her ability to win. Nevertheless, a crisis inevitably approaches and ‘Counter’ focuses on her at age 16, simultaneously seeking to bolster her skate ranking and planning on leaving Texas as soon as possible. SATs loomed large on everyone’s horizon and Tillie has to endure extra tutoring despite having no intention of going to college. The arrangement almost makes her another crime statistic, but the real result of her narrow escape is realisation that her entire life is all about being tested and narrowly passing or surviving…
Floating days go by in a non-involved haze, before she eventually wakes up and takes charge. ‘Lutz’ addresses all her biggest challenges coming at once, yet another near-death experience, a life-altering unburdening and a decision at last made, leading into the liberating whirl of ‘Twizzle’ to free herself from twelve years a slave to other people’s wishes and the beginning of her own life…
That’s further addressed in the biographical Author’s Note that closes this magnificent and moving memoir. I said earlier that this was a part of Tillie Walden’s story: for more – as much as she’s willing to share – you’ll need to read her other books, both the biographical and fully fictional ones. Get them, read them, tell a friend.
© 2017 Tillie Walden. All rights reserved.