By Ryan North, Derek Charm & various (DC Comics)
ISBN: 978-1-7795-0123-3 (TPB/Digital edition)
Win’s Christmas Gift Recommendation: Moody, Mirthful and Magical… 8/10
In recent years DC has opened up its shared superhero universe: generating Original Graphic Novels featuring its stars in stand-alone adventures for the demographic inappropriately dubbed Young Adult. To date, results have been rather hit or miss, but when they’re good, they are very good indeed. An ideal example is this cheery chiller reinterpreting the formative years of DC’s magical bad boy: particularly concentrating on his early relationship with things that go bump in the night…
You’ve either heard of John Constantine by now or you haven’t, so I’ll be brief. Created in 1985 by Alan Moore, Steve Bissette, Rick Veitch & John Totleben during a groundbreaking run on Swamp Thing, the unlikeliest of heroes is a mercurial modern mage, a dissolute chancer and self-appointed mystic fixer who plays like an addict with magic – on his own terms for his own ends.
He is not a good guy. He is not a nice person, but all too often, he’s all there is between us and the void…
Winning his own series by clamorous popular demand, Constantine’s own series Hellblazer premiered in 1988, during the dying days of Reaganite Atrocity in the US but at the height of Thatcherite Barbarism in England. We’re pretty much singing the same songs now as back then but – with 5th rate Britain’s Got Talent cover-artist wannabes as our revolving-door leaders – that’s something little Johnny will surely get around to sorting if he gets another outing…
In 1988, creative arts and Liberal attitudes were dirty words in many quarters and the readership of Vertigo was pretty easy to profile. The long-running series started with relatively safe horror plots, introducing us to Constantine’s unpleasant nature, chequered history and odd acquaintances. Even then, discriminating fans were aware of a joyously anti-establishment political line, rebellious nature and wildly metaphorical underpinnings. Racism, Darwinian politics, gender fluidity, plague, famine, gruesome supernature and more were everywhere in the dark dystopian purview of John Constantine – a world of bleeding-edge mysticism, Cyber-shamanism and political soul-stealing.
Relax. That is not the Constantine you’re looking at here…
Courtesy of writer Ryan North (Dinosaur Comics, Adventure Time, Slaughterhouse-Five, Power Pack, Machine of Death, Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, How to Invent Everything, Star Trek – Lower Decks) and illustrator Derek Charm (Jughead, Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, Uncle Scrooge, Jughead’s Time Police, Star Wars Adventures) – assisted by letterer Wes Abbott – we’re meeting a wily wizard in waiting: someone apparently without conscience or impulse control who bears more than a passing resemblance to juvenile parental burden Dennis the Menace – but more the malign mischief maker from The Beano than Hank Ketchum’s wayward waif…
It begins in London where a cocky kid pops into a sweetshop. Unfortunately, Archibald Junior’s Discount Confections is no ordinary purveyor of tasty treats, but then again, Johnny Constantine is no ordinary kid…
Behind a cheesy façade of fragrant gleaming bottles, jars and bags, this exotic emporium has a back room where ghosts, demons and world-devouring cosmic entities can also snatch a little snacky something. It just another eldritch secret that Johnny – who calls himself “Kid Constantine” – somehow knows. The boy has an astounding affinity for magic and has even befriended a few lesser devils, but he also has a weakness for Archibald’s magic chocolates.
Sadly, this latest shoplifting lark endangers all of Earth and, haunted by angry ghosts, the Kid has to take refuge with a pack of low-grade demons.
He’s been casually manipulating his parents for a while now, and fooling himself that he’s a wicked cool Jack the Lad, but he learns a few hard truths as he even wears out his welcome with the unholy monsters, and immediately opts to try boarding school to evade further repercussions. Best of all, the place is in America…
It’s pretty far away, but Johnny doesn’t mind. He’s always been better off alone. Just look what happened to the last friend he foolishly shared his magical gifts with…
With terrifying ease, the unaccompanied boy rocks up at The Junior Success Boarding School in Massachusetts, but his charm and roguish manner can’t help him adjust, settle in or make any friends on campus. In fact, he’s actually starting to feel a bit lonely… until a bit of lazy, labour-saving magic is spotted by fellow sixth grade outsider Anna.
The Kid is just starting to think he might have made a mistake coming to America when she comes clean and confesses that she too can make little miracles…
Our gobsmacked loner thinks long and hard before letting his guard down, but soon they are friends and co-conspirators, playing pranks and testing their limits. It seems the best of all worlds until their homeroom teacher Ms. Kayla starts behaving strangely…
Formerly the nicest adult in school, she abruptly changes, spitefully singling out Johnny and Anna for special attention and cruel psychological bullying. Before long, the supernatural students are using their gifts to learn what caused the transformation, but discover it’s far worse than they could ever have imagined…
Facing a deadly existential supernatural threat, Kid Constantine does what he always does and runs away, deserting Anna and the school, but everything changes when he hits the forests surrounding the institution and meets a potentially life-changing ally in the huge form of a witch-hunting demon called Etrigan…
Chastened and emboldened, the Kid makes a decision that will change his life: returning to school, joining Anna and the Demon in ending a monstrous menace more terrible than anyone could have imagined…
Rowdy, rousing and riotous – and sublimely stuffed with twists, shocks and enticing snippets of DC lore – the battle against unforgiving evil culminates in a clever piece of misdirection and some stellar sleight of hand as valiant Anna and duty-driven Etrigan see their bad boy come good and save everything…
This tale is done in one but the book also offers a lengthy excerpt from Jeffrey Brown’s Batman and Robin and Howard that is also worth some of your time and attention…
Bold, beguiling, brilliantly entertaining and deliciously uplifting, The Mystery of the Meanest Teacher is a magical rite of passage and smartly funny adventure with a twist to charm and thrill full-on fans and nervous neophytes alike: one introducing a new wondrous world with a rousing reminder that there is magic everywhere.
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